This is not what you think it's about
It's weird, yesterday it struck me that it's about 9 years ago that I got a text in the middle of the night from a very good friend of mine. I can't recall exactly when I read it but I know it was a Sunday the next day. And the text basically read like this: "Just to let you know Johan shot himself last night. He's in ICU but not looking good". Now, this was a guy that was in the same class as me right through high school so we knew each other but moved in different friend circles and I think I might have seen him once or twice after walking out the doors of our school. The reason my friend let me know is because we are good friends and she was close to him, so in a way I think it was just a case of looking for the little bit of human contact and support.
Ok, so you're probably wondering where I'm going with this and why would I bring up something as delicate as this.
The thing is, there was another guy in my group who also shot himself in that same year. Again, we were more acquaintances than anything else but I knew the guy and had conversations with him on several occasions.
The obvious question always hits your brain first: "Why would someone do something like that?".
In both "cases" the main reason was given to be an issue with their partners. In the first one, I was told Johan's car was involved in an accident whilst being driven by a friend and not long after this his girlfriend left him. Apparently he was a bit depressive and on a few occasions played with his Magnum revolver on nights they were having drinks at home. In the latter case, it was said that the guy was told by his then 16 year old girlfriend that she is pregnant. Rumours were that he was too scared to face his parents with this news and ended up taking his own life. Sadly, news also surface afterwards that the girl was unfaithful during their time together and it's highly questionable that it was indeed his child.
In any case, I'm dragging on here a bit. So, it got me to thinking as to how someone could get emotionally and physically to such a point that they feel hopeless enough to carry out an act like this. Is it really possible that the love (or hate?) you have for someone makes you capable of anything? Make no mistake, in my mind at least, it must take an unmeasurable amount of motivation to got through with something like taking your own life. To actually hurt so much and feel that there's absolutely nothing worth the effort is probably something very difficult to describe or talk about which is probably why this happened. And strangely enough, even I who didn't really know these guys that well, wondered afterwards that maybe the signs were there back in the school days and maybe just maybe at some point if I only asked "Hey dude, you OK?" or whatever, maybe things could have taken a different course. Don't get me wrong, I'm in now way implying that I could have made a difference or saved anyone, it's just a natural reaction I suppose; for me at least.
I'm not sure why all of this is running through my head and why I'm sharing this, but it gets me thinking every now and again. The frustrating thing is, is that we'll never know the place these guys were in and we can't change it. Which is sad...
A x
Ok, so you're probably wondering where I'm going with this and why would I bring up something as delicate as this.
The thing is, there was another guy in my group who also shot himself in that same year. Again, we were more acquaintances than anything else but I knew the guy and had conversations with him on several occasions.
The obvious question always hits your brain first: "Why would someone do something like that?".
In both "cases" the main reason was given to be an issue with their partners. In the first one, I was told Johan's car was involved in an accident whilst being driven by a friend and not long after this his girlfriend left him. Apparently he was a bit depressive and on a few occasions played with his Magnum revolver on nights they were having drinks at home. In the latter case, it was said that the guy was told by his then 16 year old girlfriend that she is pregnant. Rumours were that he was too scared to face his parents with this news and ended up taking his own life. Sadly, news also surface afterwards that the girl was unfaithful during their time together and it's highly questionable that it was indeed his child.
In any case, I'm dragging on here a bit. So, it got me to thinking as to how someone could get emotionally and physically to such a point that they feel hopeless enough to carry out an act like this. Is it really possible that the love (or hate?) you have for someone makes you capable of anything? Make no mistake, in my mind at least, it must take an unmeasurable amount of motivation to got through with something like taking your own life. To actually hurt so much and feel that there's absolutely nothing worth the effort is probably something very difficult to describe or talk about which is probably why this happened. And strangely enough, even I who didn't really know these guys that well, wondered afterwards that maybe the signs were there back in the school days and maybe just maybe at some point if I only asked "Hey dude, you OK?" or whatever, maybe things could have taken a different course. Don't get me wrong, I'm in now way implying that I could have made a difference or saved anyone, it's just a natural reaction I suppose; for me at least.
I'm not sure why all of this is running through my head and why I'm sharing this, but it gets me thinking every now and again. The frustrating thing is, is that we'll never know the place these guys were in and we can't change it. Which is sad...
A x
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